a newspaper man adjusts his pen

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Amanda's musings: Out with the old sports bra

Bra Fence (same), originally uploaded by imagesnzimages.

Dear CW-X executives,

“Flopping” and “boobs” are two words that should never be uttered in the same sentence. But in the midst of an elliptical workout this morning, I found myself contemplating if one of my breasts were going to jump ship and liberate itself from my sports bra.

Not a good thought. Hmm. Not really a good image, either. And for that, I apologize.

I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your concern for my girls (and girls everywhere), and ensuring that they are stationary even during the most rigorous workouts.

It’s a touchy subject for me personally, because while I welcome weight loss, any woman who has been overweight for any length of time laments what goes first: That extra cup size you inherited along with those 30 pounds.

Yes, I am really pumped about my shrinking figure, even while silently crying over the boob situation. I can deny, deny, deny, but when a breast almost jiggles its way out of its support garment, you have to face facts.

So I’m going shopping tomorrow for a new bra. One of yours, in fact. The CW-X Ultra Support Bra has to be the most high-tech model out there, what with the “nine fully adjustable back and shoulder closures,” which offer a whopping 18 combinations for a snug fit.

Then there is the “Coolmax” fabric, which the ad indicates “wicks moisture away from the skin.” All I can say to that is a healthy “hallelujah.” Anyone who has battled the detested boob sweat hears me.

Most impressive, though, is the “motion control” cup designed to keep excessive movement at bay (If you ever need a new research and development guy to test those puppies out, my friend Paul said he would be into it).

This bra means business, indeed. And while I intend to pick one up, I want to offer one suggestion to make the garment even more useful. Two words: Side pockets.

Before you snicker, please know that yoga pants and other workout gear rarely have pockets, making a jog on the nearby Montour Trail or gym workout cumbersome. A girl never knows what to do with her keys, cell phone or Ipod. Hence the pockets – everything you need in a safe, secure area.

While some men would say, “Lumpy boobs should not be a trend,” I assure them more women than people realize utilize their brassieres for extra storage space.

Yeah, that one fire chief DID give me the stink eye when I whipped my cell phone out of mine to check the time, but it works.

Just a suggestion.

Warmest Regards,

Amanda “help me lift and separate” Gillooly


Ellipses said...

This blog has been a fun read recently with a veritable deluge of content... Thanks a lot, guys (and gals)...

Disclaimer: The "elliptical workout" mentioned in the first paragraph was entirely a chick-on-machine scenario...

jtogyer said...

Scott, I really wish you and Amanda would identify yourselves at the beginning of these posts, rather than the end.

I was getting some really mixed messages when I first started reading this.


Scott Beveridge said...

That's great suggestion JR Ogyer