Howie = not funny

Howie Mandel and the Fab Five, originally uploaded by attit.

Dear Howie Mandel,

My favorite part of the movie “Bruce Almighty” was when Morgan Freeman’s God character was telling Jim Carrey (who played the poor schlep who couldn’t get a break) about his “divine spark.”

“You have a gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world,” he told him.

Now, I’m not God. Hell, I’m not even Morgan Freeman, but I can tell you Howie Mandel it doesn’t take a deity to know you don’t have the spark, my man.

While I loved your work with Fred Savage in “Little Monsters” (gimme a break, I was like, 8) you’re recent stint on the hit game show “Deal or No Deal” is just a little too much.

Sure, the show has a mindless appeal, but you don’t. I’m just one woman talking, Howie, but I’ve gotta tell you that your jokes are flat. Busted. Beat. Old.

I didn’t know the exact word for your brand of humor until seeing a plug for your newest venture with NBC. The unscripted show will be titled, “Howdie Do It.” Really, Howie? You identify yourself as a comedian and then sign on to do a show with that much of a shameless pun?

Oh my! That kind of cheesetastic humor might be OK on a game show – it seems like all the hosts have their own brand of creepy cheerfulness – but don’t bring it into the comedy realm, please.

Another one of my spiritual advisers, Neil Young, once wrote: “You were born to rock, you’ll never be an opera star.”

So I’m writing to let you know: You were born to give away money in briefcases, and you’ll never be a comedy star.

Just so you know.

Warmest Regards,

Amanda “keep your puns to yourself, please,” Gillooly