a newspaper man adjusts his pen

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

An open letter to Miss Anderson, from Amanda



Dear Pamela Anderson,

I hate to give you more press, I really do. I thought the sale of your used undies was going to be the first and last time I wrote about you. But, girl, you need a wakeup call.

I’m sure you know what I’m referring to. You basically went off on pop star Jessica Simpson for wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the phrase: “Real Girls Eat Meat.”

Being, perhaps, the most busty and well-known spokeswoman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, I can understand why you’d be upset. However, as a ‘spokeswoman,” I thought you’d have something more literate to say.

As it was, you just called Simpson, if I remember the sound bite played repeatedly by nearly every morning radio show in Pittsburgh, your comments were short. I believe you called the blonde bombshell a “bitch” and a “whore.”

Flag on the play. Pammy, you need to repeat first down.

While I don’t understand how anyone could snub a nose at a nice, fat steak, I appreciate your passion. But, you’re making all the vegetarians out there seem like crazies when you come out this harshly about a T-shirt.

Does the garment have some magical mind-altering powers that I haven’t read about? Do you really think that vegetarians everywhere are saying to themselves and others, “You know, forget about this conviction, if Jessica Simpson eats meat, then I need to throw away my bean sprouts for burgers!”? I thinkith not.

And besides, Ms. Anderson, don’t you have bigger things to worry about? I’m sure you’re busy raising your two children, caring for your Hepatitis A and thinking about what new cosmetic procedure you can buy with the royalties from your Tommy Lee sex tape.

Bottom line: Chill out, woman. You’re gonna pop an implant.

Warmest Regards,

Amanda “I need beef, dude” Gillooly

Digg!


(Note: PETA added the word, stupid, to the photo of Miss Simpson)

2 comments:

Scott Beveridge said...

In the end, Pamela won't be remembered for anything she has to say. And it doesn't really matter....

Amanda Gillooly said...

Indeed. I just can't understand why people get so up in arms about T-shirts and car magnets...