a newspaper man adjusts his pen

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

An open letter to Miss Anderson, from Amanda

Dear Pamela Anderson,

I hate to give you more press, I really do. I thought the sale of your used undies was going to be the first and last time I wrote about you. But, girl, you need a wakeup call.

I’m sure you know what I’m referring to. You basically went off on pop star Jessica Simpson for wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the phrase: “Real Girls Eat Meat.”

Being, perhaps, the most busty and well-known spokeswoman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, I can understand why you’d be upset. However, as a ‘spokeswoman,” I thought you’d have something more literate to say.

As it was, you just called Simpson, if I remember the sound bite played repeatedly by nearly every morning radio show in Pittsburgh, your comments were short. I believe you called the blonde bombshell a “bitch” and a “whore.”

Flag on the play. Pammy, you need to repeat first down.

While I don’t understand how anyone could snub a nose at a nice, fat steak, I appreciate your passion. But, you’re making all the vegetarians out there seem like crazies when you come out this harshly about a T-shirt.

Does the garment have some magical mind-altering powers that I haven’t read about? Do you really think that vegetarians everywhere are saying to themselves and others, “You know, forget about this conviction, if Jessica Simpson eats meat, then I need to throw away my bean sprouts for burgers!”? I thinkith not.

And besides, Ms. Anderson, don’t you have bigger things to worry about? I’m sure you’re busy raising your two children, caring for your Hepatitis A and thinking about what new cosmetic procedure you can buy with the royalties from your Tommy Lee sex tape.

Bottom line: Chill out, woman. You’re gonna pop an implant.

Warmest Regards,

Amanda “I need beef, dude” Gillooly


(Note: PETA added the word, stupid, to the photo of Miss Simpson)


Scott Beveridge said...

In the end, Pamela won't be remembered for anything she has to say. And it doesn't really matter....

Amanda Gillooly said...

Indeed. I just can't understand why people get so up in arms about T-shirts and car magnets...