a newspaper man adjusts his pen

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Amanda's musings: A Brooke Shields lashing


Brooke Shields Doll, originally uploaded by Barbie Creations.

Dear Brooke Shields,

It was a little shocking when I was abruptly asked: “Are they real?”

While I was blessed with an ample bosom, another guest at the wedding I was attenting wasn’t asking about any augmentation there. She was inquiring about my eyelashes, which had been primped excessively for my cousin Curt’s marriage ceremony. I blushed uncharacteristically, and told her about my painstaking process to lush, ample eyelashes.

After applying two shades of translucent silver shadow, I rimmed the upper lid with a waterproof black liquid liner and completed the look with several coats of black mascara, I told her. What I kept to myself was the exact number of mascara coats (and the fact that while I typically use two types of lash lacquer this occasion required a third).

Brooke, I wanted to share this story with you because it is possible to get your beauty on without prostituting yourself to the folks at Latisse, a prescription eye solution for the treatment of hypotrichosis (which means “not enough lashes”). I think you should know this because you’ve been shaking it on so many commercials that casual observers may get the idea your royalties for the “The Blue Lagoon” have finally sputtered and died.

I understand a woman has to feed her family, but I think all the Crest toothpaste you’ve peddled would have paid for the foodstuffs necessary to sustain you guys. But Brooke, oral health is one thing (plaque is a terrible thing – and a real threat) but to lend your face to a prescription for sparse lashes?

For shame!

Particularly ridiculous is your expanded testimonial at www.latisse.com – where you tell the world about your “personal journey.” Wanting to improve lashes for a medical condition is one thing. “Ripping” your lashes out because of all the theater roles was just silly. You poor thing!

I know you have some personal assistant to help paste falsies up on your peepers – and I am sure you can afford better mascara than the Wet and Wild variety. I wanted to write and tell you that you should be ashamed of yourself because of the gargantuan check you received for singing Latisse’s praises. It only helps to feed into a culture where legitimate drugs are overpriced under the guise of “research and development costs.”

Public watchdog groups have been keeping tabs on just these types of expenditures. I did a story on direct-to-consumer advertisements for prescription meds a few years back and I can tell you that many of the nation’s top drug manufacturers spent more money on their marketing campaigns than those so-called research and development costs.

So, when you see commercials about octogenarians cutting their blood pressure drugs in thirds because they can’t afford the exorbitant monthly cost, please know you could have played a small role in their ensuing heart attacks.

To me, that’s almost as disturbing as “The Blue Lagoon.”

Warmest Regards,

Amanda “one of my prescriptions costs $321 a month” Gillooly

3 comments:

Scott Beveridge said...

That big Barbie/Brooke head is starting to freak me out.

Amanda Blu Gillooly said...

Me, too. I think it is the caterpillar-like eyebrows.

Leonard Glick said...

Perhaps Brooke can enter the previously mentioned, husband-calling event; then it will truly become a highbrow affair...