Dear Caped Crusader,
Things haven't been going so well since you showed up in Pittsburgh last month to begin filming "The Dark Knight Rises."
The Pittsburgh Pirates' winning streak came to an abrupt end after the Golden Triangle was transformed into Gotham City, dropping the home team from first place to fourth in the National League's Central Division.
Meanwhile, your movie director Christopher Nolan has dusted Downtown with fake snow, giving it the appearance of a bitter cold January day in the muggy heat of August. As if Pittsburgh's weather isn't already schizophrenic.
The traffic jams have been nothing short of sinister since your Batmobile known as the Tumbler began to speed along Smithfield Street. Just so you know, Pittsburghers have been calling this backed-up traffic, baffic, in your honor.
While the hottest Catwoman to date, Anne Hathaway, received a private tour of The Warhol, some downtown establishments have been starving for business because said baffic is scaring off customers. Holy Belgian Beer Batman it was even slow Saturday night in Sharp Edge Bistro on Penn Avenue.
There is only one way to make this up for all this commotion.
Please accept our invitation to hold this movie's premiere here in Pittsburgh before it hits screens across America in July 2012. We are sure something could be worked out at the ornate Heinz Hall to satisfy the glitz of Hollywood.
Sincerely,
Travel with a Beveridge
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