a newspaper man adjusts his pen

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Comb-over questions

Donald Trump Signed Photo, originally uploaded by trishautographs.

By Amanda Gillooly

It was more than a comb-over. It was more like a swirl-over. Think Donald Trump, minus the millions.

Clearly balding, the gentleman in question was apparently trying to hide the shiny spot by parting his remaining strands severely to the right, swooping it up and around.

Yes, I was definitely staring, mouth wide open. But I swear my gaze wasn’t as much critical as it was quizzical.

As I watched the dude, a number of valid questions came to mind. I hope that any comb-over enthusiasts will kindly e-mail me so I won’t lie awake each night, pondering the majesty of the ‘do.

Here goes:

1.) How long does it take to construct those things? I have no idea how early one would need to wake up to for a properly coiffed comb-over. Does it take 30 minutes? Twice that long? I also can’t help but wonder what type of styling products need to be employed to achieve the necessary bald-spot coverage, and what the lifespan of the ‘do is. Do the men sporting this look have stock in Aquanet? Dunno.
2.) Very much like many men wonder what PA pop princess Christina Aguilara looks like when she wakes up in the morning sans-makeup, I need to know what comb-over aficionado’s look like when they get out of the shower. Considering that one side of their hair has to be much longer than the other, I can’t image it being a pretty sight.
3.) What are the ethics involved with this hairstyle? Don’t these guys have any friends? Wives? Girlfriends? They do? For real? Because I’ve seen way too many wilting comb-overs to believe that for a second. Friends shouldn’t let friends have a pile of hair sliding unctuously down their foreheads. Much like I would expect one of my close friends to tell me if my fly was down or if I had some sort of food product between my teeth, I’d think these men in question would want someone to say: “Uh, dude? You’re hair has become undone. You might want to give that hair awning a little volume.”
4.) What kind of conversation do these poor bastards have with their stylists? Enough said.

So please, if you are a man trying to cover up your receding hairline and you are privy to the answers to any of these questions, please leave me a comment. You can do so anonymously and it would really be helping a sister out.


Pamela said...

Too funny Amanda!!!

Anonymous said...

As one who is follically (sp) challenged, I have to laugh at your writing. I have never been tempted to try this. If God allowed my hair to fall out, well then, he can be blinded from the glare from the top of my head on a sunny summer day. It's not like he couldn't just raise an eyebrow and make me look like Slash of Guns-N-Roses fame, right?

My question has always been this: If we can do a heart-lung transplant, why can't we find a way to grow hair on a balding man's head. One of life's great mysteries.

Amanda Gillooly said...

Yes, you'd have to think there could be a better way to add a lush-looking mane than say, spray-on hair.

Thanks for the comment!!

Scott Beveridge said...

I should have begun to practice this technique 10 years ago. I'm thinking about letting the sides grow to my shoulders, adding some product and then squishing everything up into a mohawk. The only problem is I risk looking like Bozo the Clown on those carefree days.

Scott Beveridge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amanda Gillooly said...

NG, Scotty. NG.